a verbally abusive boss

by patti
(Maryland)

My 24 year old daughter works at a day care. One of the owners (husband)routinely yells at the workers. He calls them worthless and states that he does not know why he lets them work there. He threatens to send them home without pay. He yells at them in front of the children. This is causing her so much stress, she has trouble sleeping and when he yells at her she cries uncontrollably. I have told her to quit. That this is a hostile work environment.


Hi Patti,

If she quits before she is able to substantiate the conditions .. it will be very hard to collect unemployment.

If it is the owner that is doing this .. tell her to write a formal letter with some specific examples of the type of mistreatment she wants stopped .. the more specific the better. Make sure she can prove this was delivered to the employer and retain a copy as the proof.

If he continues .. official complaints would come next. If it was an owner .. I myself would have my formal complaints all ready to go or might even have already sent them because I can easily imagine a bully firing someone in retaliation for having the nerve to write a formal complaint. .. Being fired after a rational laid out complaint will only help if unemployment benefits are the goal.

Formal complaints might include a daycare regulating agency .. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want one of my grandchildren to witness verbal assaults by one adult to another.



Then there is the EEOC or possibly some other MD "labor websites" that take workplace harassment complaints.

There's also the MD unemployment decision digest.

The point is that you must document everything you do to try to preserve the employment.

Patti, on a personal note .. I understand why you would be telling your daughter to just quit .. sometimes, in fact most times, it's the simplest and easiest way to deal with a bad boss, but I also believe there comes a point .. and maybe it's when a person becomes so upset that they cry about a job or boss and refuse to quit .. that encouraging a little righteous indignation and some positive way to fight back that may empower to not allow their self to ever again feel like a victim because they learn there is usually a recourse.

Sometimes I am flabbergasted at how bad things have to get before an employee takes action .. and it's usually just quitting on an impulse.

Anyone who comes to this site ought to know that I think quitting on impulse is only an option if you are able to financially sustain yourself while looking for a new job .. because it's the rare person that will actually get UI benefits when they quit on impulse.

Why do we take personally, the abusive hot air of an idiot bully boss for the "paycheck"?

The opposite of a bully .. can only be a victim.

Comments for a verbally abusive boss

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Feb 18, 2010
Thank You
by: Patti

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I have told these young ladies to document (document, document, document). Not too concerned if she receives the unemployment - she will be okay financially (for now). I just find it deploring that someone would treat another human being this way. To compound matters, she LOVES her 4 year olds that she is responsible for and cried when she sat down and sent the parents an email notifying them of her last day so that they may prepare the children for the transition.


Hi Pstti,

Thank you for replying and I'm relieved she'll be financially okay .. She's lucky to have you.

I wish everyone had that kind of support.

It's hard to walk away from a job you love, let alone because of an abusive boss.

No matter how a person decides to deal with a bully boss .. it always takes courage and a leap of faith to quit.

Jan 25, 2011
I walked that road
by: Anonymous

my goodness, aside from the crying... and childcare, I worked that job. My boss was a year older than me and had little or no practical skill, having been promoted to his position because he would be cheaper than a quilified person and could be "groomed into" the position.

blah blah blah...
I quit after I reached my abuse tolerance limit. left with out a word and never came back (not even for my check) now i've been out of work for 2months and my heating oiltank is empty... it 15 below zero right now.

I am searching daily for work, any work (my industry or not) and I am pretty sure I am doomed.
I did seal the fate of the company (they're closed now) however which felt vindicating... that doesn't feed the dog or warm the house

i am not eligible for any sort of assistance, and i need advice

Jun 12, 2012
What can I do?
by: Anonymous

OMG, and here I am thinking I was in this boat alone!!! I've been employed for ten years at a daycare. But since I refuse to do "dirty" work for the boss, my hours get cut, I'm now working about 25 hours a week, and instead of being in charge of my established toddlers classroom, I am now also working with after schoolers as well and driving them to field trips (which I have never done before) to make matters worse, the boss' husband of one year, is constantly talking (or shold I say yelling) at the kids and has on various occasions yelled at employees (literally touching noses). And even though he has yet to yell at me, i am petrified every time he calls me to the office

May 22, 2013
bad boss
by: Anonymous

I have a boss that is into name calling and is also one of the most racist individual I have ever met. I try and stay away from him as much as I can and only deal with him when I have to. He is a horrable person and I"m not the only one that feels this way 90% of us feel the same about him but we need our jobs and keep quite about his abuse. I think that I have had enough and I"m thinking about seeing a Lawyer and getting some justice for myself and the other employees that are being abused. I like the company I work for and feel that I am a very good employee and that I am an asset for my company, but this boss is a horrable person to work with and I wish he would get fired for the good of the company.




Does your company have a grievance procedure for reporting abuse and discrimination?

What state do you work in?

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