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Fired for misconduct or sexual harassment.

by not a lesbian
(New York)

I was fired because when joking around in the office I said I had a thought of asking the lesbian if she would come over and eat me. It was a joke. We were all kidding around. I had a different girl grab my boob. Sexual conversations were the norm with staff, but my comment was viewed as misconduct.


All I can say about that, is somebody must of not of thought your comment was as funny as you thought it was at the time. Or maybe someone not involved in the conversation overheard this one remark one fine day and was so offended by it, they thought they should do something for the sake of all employees .. and file a complaint.

Just because a workplace culture if full of, or allows wrong-headed norms to pervade the culture we grow to accept, because we have to work for a living, doesn't mean someone won't find the courage within themselves to speak up on behalf of others they have witnessed being victimized in some way.

Tell me, do you think you crossed a line of any sort here .. once, or more than once .. even if this sort of talk was the norm?

And what do you mean to do by letting me/us know a different girl grabbed your boob? How is that relevant now to the reason you were terminated for. Unless you tell me you had already made a formal complaint about someone touching your boob, and your termination now if retaliatory, for using the fact you made a crass, insensitive comment that could also be called sexual harassment .. I don't see the relevance of what you're trying to get at.

Two clearly wrongheaded examples of inappropriate conduct in the workplace .. do not cancel the misconduct in either out.

Focus on the burden of proving misconduct because to rebut that burden .. you need a viable reason to argue the employer cannot prove misconduct .. and complaining about your boob being touched .. after being terminated, generally won't cut it at an unemployment hearing .. unless you can prove the employer knew about it .. and did nothing to prevent it from happening again .. other than firing you for a lewd comment .. you say was the norm.


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Just got fired tonight
by: Anonymous

One of my co-worker used to ask me about how men think sexual. And I always was nice and give her my idea how I think. After few months she asked me to come to her house to see her kittens. I went and it was nice visit no sexual thinks friendship. After few months she kind of started to show some interest on me. I’m married and I just got my baby born. So I kind explained to her that it will never happened. She turn to an enemy. Everytime she insulted me so I told her it better if we keep it professional and that set. A year later HR called me for sexual Harassment investigation and they told that On my lunch break I went to her house and had sex with her. I asked for evidence they didn’t show me anything. And they fired me. I talk to 5 lawyers they say that the company is protecting them self if the case went to court. I don’t have money to follow up and I have a baby sleeping in the crib. Any advice please.

My advice - file an unemployment claim, but then I would think at least one of those five lawyers would of also explained the reasons you might be able to collect after being fired for sexual harassment .. more so than other totally, but more provable instances of inappropriate conduct in the workplace.

A story about how you, a man, was sexually harassed by a woman and finally came to be terminated wrongly for what you didn't do. I know a woman in authority over a man can sexually harass a man subordinate to her, but regardless, here's how I a woman internalized your story.

You claim to of endured multiple inappropriate conversations at work with a female co-worker, which you claim were all initiated by the female co-worker. But, because you're such a nice male co-worker, you continued to participate in these inappropriate conversations and share ideas of a sexual nature, instead of reacting reasonably to be uncomfortable and do what a reasonable person would do, and report the co-worker to HR .. especially if the co-worker won't listen to reason and stop the sexual harassment .. when you tell them to stop.

Eventually, after a few months of sexual chats, in which you freely shared your ideas about sexual stuff with your female co-worker, she invited you to her home to visit her kittens.

Since that visit did not seem to be of a sexual nature whatsoever, you thought you were just making a new friend .. even though you admit you were married at the time and from the sound of it, might of had a pregnant wife waiting for you at home.

After a few months of this "platonic" friendship with a female co-worker, she all of a sudden developed a sexual interest in you and that made you so uncomfortable you finally attempted to set her straight as to how far you were willing to take this new friendship .. by explaining you were married with a baby .. and a wife, but she was so offended by you drawing the line, she became your enemy and began insulting you at work.

And for some reason, after a year had gone by, HR finally called you in for an investigation based on this woman's complaint of sexual harassment by you .. which seems to of been precipitated by a visit by you .. to her house on your lunch break for sex.

They wouldn't show you their evidence of this, but the question for me is, why would an innocent person ask for evidence to prove their own guilt, if they know, no evidence exists?

wrongful termination due to sexual harassment
by: Anonymous

I was fired from my job of nearly three years for sexual harassment. I was not told what I supposedly did and to whom I was just fired. I didn't do this by no means.. This is a bogus allegation and I do not know what to do. I was told to contact hr and did but she refuses to contact me back. and now my coworkers and friends aren't aloud to speak to me.. Please help.

File the unemployment claim. Tell the truth you know, as you know it.

And remember, when fired from a job, it's the employer that is required to meet the burden of proving your guilt of work misconduct, which you tell me you were told the cause was sexual harassment.

Given what you know, is all I know about that situation, I don't know what else to tell you, except I'm wondering what kind of friends you may of had at work .. if they ascribe to the idea, an employer has authority to direct them not to speak to any friend, when they are outside of work and on their own time.


What if no one complained?
by: Anonymous

I have a friend who has a similar situation. He was fired over a text conversation sent outside of work. A coworker asked him to cover part of his shift, and he texted back that he would do it for a blowjob jk(joking) his coworker/friend texted back I thought you might say that maybe *(another coworker) will blow you for me lol (laugh out loud). Neither coworker complained about it as it was a running joke between them but the sister of one of these two coworkers was snooping on her brothers phone found the message and told her supervisor about it (she works for the same organization). My friend was fired but our other coworker was not and he later texted my friend to tell him that he did not complain to anyone about it. The whole thing took place when neither were at work and it was a private conversation. Our director originally protested his unemployment claim on the grounds of sexual misconduct but has now changed his protest to quitting without good cause and/or misconduct connected with work. No where in what passes as our employee manual does it mention anything like this, no warning was given nor was my friend given a chance to defend himself. I will be a witness to testify to the fact that this type of conversation is typical at work and that our executive director is the worst culprit, often saying very off color/sexual things including jokes about pedophilia and bragging about illegal drug use. He has a hearing on Monday and he is terrified.

Whoa down there a second.

If, things happened exactly as you say they did and the employer only became aware of this and made the decision to discharge on the second hand information provided by a third party snooping where they shouldn't have been snooping .. I'd call that hearsay.

Does the employer have a copy of the text message?

Or did your friend admit to the text when confronted by the employer and subsequently terminated.

If so, I would now question why the employer did not discharge them both .. because they both made comments that were inappropriate .. yet we all do in private .. and that's the thing .. it was a private communication.

As far as someone complaining .. someone did another co-worker, but I question the appropriateness also of how she came by the information and then the employer's decision to act upon what she reported .. for all the employer knew .. she could have been making the whole thing up because she had some kind of grudge against this person.

Unemployment Overpayments
by: Anonymous

If you start getting unemployment and lose the appeal, you won't have to pay it back anyway. it just stops.

Hi Anonymous,

Before anyone accepts this bit of information as a fact, I suggest you take a look at this PDF published by the United States Department of Labor.

It's called Overpayments


crossed the line
by: Anonymous

So are you saying don't apply for unemployment??? I'd say I crossed the line. I was stupid.

Hello again,

I would never tell anyone "not to apply for unemployment". It's a personal decision that only you can make.

Plenty of people get "lucky" that were in fact fired for misconduct, but it's usually due to the inadequacy of the employer's response to the state regarding your claim for unemployment benefits. It is not a perfect system by any stretch of the imagination.

Most states (including New York) still allow either party (claimant or employer) to protest a determination by filing an unemployment appeal, no matter what their response long as they responded.

So, what if you are initially allowed unemployment, start collecting a weekly check and then one day, maybe after you've collected three or more weeks of benefits, you get a notice telling you "the employer has appealed and there is now an "Unemployment Hearing" scheduled?

You'd be wise to ask yourself, "can my employer prove I was fired for misconduct"? And if so, "WILL I HAVE TO REPAY THE MONEY I'VE ALREADY GOTTEN"?

So no, I'm not saying don't apply, but I am saying, Be aware of the additional hardships (besides losing your job) that you could create for yourself.

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